Why feedback is important

on Sep 04 in First Dates, General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

One social scientist that used to work at the largest online dating service was recently quoted in a newspaper interview as being frustrated with the way couples are matched by the online dating services. Although he worked on the mainframe algorithms to create the initial matches, he said that none of the online dating services incorporate feedback from the men and women who did not find love. He felt that knowing why they didn’t meet anyone special to date was important to consider if he would ever be able to hone the process to produce more accurate results. Read More

A great reason to go to a matchmaker

on Aug 15 in General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

Online daters can be misleading from the get go research by Nicole Ellison of Michigan State University shows.

About 52.6 percent of the men in the study lied about their height as did 39 percent of the women. 64.1 percent of women lied about their weight. Age in profiles is also suspect, since 24.3 percent of men and 13.1 percent of women lied about their age. The study found specifically that men are more likely to misrepresent personal assets, relationship goals, personal interests and personal attributes whereas women are more likely to misrepresent weight. The study was conducted on 5020 individuals. Read More

How to have a great first date

on Jul 05 in First Dates, General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

“The best strategy for a great first date is to go into it with the goal of simply enjoying yourself, instead of harboring an agenda to win the person over,” says Lionel Tiger, Ph.D., a Charles Darwin professor of anthropology at Rutgers University and author of The Decline of Males. “That way, you’ll also come across as tenacious and carefree, which are intrinsically attractive qualities.”

Live in the Now
If you both click when you meet, it’s tempting to leap into the future mentally — could they be The One? Stop right there and rein in your expectations or you won’t have fun.

“If you place too much importance on the encounter, you’ll spend the whole evening evaluating how it’s going and stressing about whether you’ll see the person again,” explains Sheenah Hankin, PhD, a psychotherapist in New York and author of Complete Confidence. “This prevents you from fully experiencing what’s happening in the present.” That also means you’re not as engaged — or engaging — as you could be.

Remind yourself that it’s only one evening, and then just relax and let go. “A first date is an experiment,” says Tiger. “Adopt the laissez-faire attitude that it might work out or it might not.” And, hey, even if the sparks ultimately aren’t there, the night’s not a wash. You’ll probably come away with new insight or an interesting story to add to your repertoire. And most importantly – you will have had fun and enjoyed yourself.

Good date manners

on Apr 18 in First Dates, General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

Demonstrating poor manners on a first date is like answering your cell phone during a job interview; you may think you’re so valuable that others should overlook your little peccadilloes, but that pile of quirks may be higher than you think — and impossible to ignore. “No matter how times change, what works in relationships remains surprisingly the same,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. “Although behaving badly seems to be a trend in movies and TV these days, rude and irresponsible behavior is deadly to relationships. Continuing to see someone who is rude, thoughtless, or narcissistic is simply asking for a relationship problem.” Read More

Happy Easter!

on Apr 04 in First Dates, General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

This blog is about prejudging people. Until you have met a person with a completely open heart and mind, you truly have no idea who they are or what they are about. Many people (men and women) have a list of ‘must haves’ in a potential partner. They call it having standards. This list prevents them from meeting and getting to know some truly wonderful, amazing and in many cases very attractive people. I’m not against having a list and having standards is an absolute must. Make the list – it’s important. Also be truly open minded. Don’t pass up the chance to meet a potentially great person because of details that won’t stand the test of time. And when you meet someone, keep your heart and mind truly open and alert. Happy dating!

Worth Watching

on Feb 22 in General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

Helen Fisher’s fascinating talk on human emotions. It’s well worth the time, it’s thought provoking, making you think about relationships in a different light.

Watch now

Take your time

on Jan 20 in First Dates, General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

Now that you’ve gone on a date with someone, the hard part is over and now you can slip into just being a couple, right? Wrong. Every date you go on offers the unknown opportunity of a new relationship. It also offers the chance that this one isn’t the one. Many people don’t want to go through ‘finding someone’ so they try to make every person they go out with into ‘the one’. No matter how hard you try to make it work, it’s like trying to swim upstream, it’s going to be tough going and when you’re working hard to make someone fit into your idea of the right relationship – you’re not free to explore other opportunities that might be better for you. So take your time and really listen to your intuition and above all – you should be having fun!

Convey how important the person you’re dating is to you

on Dec 20 in General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

Independence is appealing. But there’s a fine line between being independent and acting aloof and detached. People settle down with someone because they regularly reveal a tender side and show the other person that no matter what happens, they are the most important person to them. People need and want someone who’ll be on their side at all times, through thick and thin, someone who ‘has their back”.

Without mothering or smothering here are a couple of examples of showing you care: Bringing them a treat when they tell you they aren’t feeling well or complimenting them on a job well done at work or home. These are tiny gestures that mean a lot and express that the other person is on your mind. Respectfully defend your significant other, don’t take another’s side against them. This is actually a huge gesture that speaks volumes.

Enrich your life

on Nov 28 in General, Men, Women tagged by AWoodson

Here’s an important distinction for all men and women: Dating someone will and should enrich your already happy and full life. It won’t fix existing problems or eliminate feelings of loneliness or sadness if you have underlying issues causing those feelings.

Leaning on someone who cares about you when you’ve had a bad day is totally acceptable (it comes with the territory in a healthy relationship). However, if you feel lonely, bored or down, don’t fall into the trap of calling, emailing, or texting your girlfriend/boyfriend incessantly. If you do, they will start to feel the crushing pressure of being responsible for your happiness. It’s up to you to make yourself whole and happy.

Men, give thanks for women

on Nov 25 in General, Men tagged by AWoodson

Sure, we can be a pain in the butt sometimes. Sure, there’s the nagging, the nosiness, the PMS mood swings and those easily injured feelings. But guys, think for a moment about all the wonderful things we ladies do. From the pains we take to be aesthetically pleasing to how we kiss it and make it all better, we women do rock. Let us count the ways! Read More